This week I've most been watching movies

I have watched 3 films at the cinema in the last fortnight. This is in addition to various flicks I've watched [sometimes slightly illicitly] on my computer monitor, such is the rich & fulfilling life that I lead. All had vastly different plots/genres/styles, and were viewed in 3 different cinemas. Here follows my own short synopsis :

1. The Human Centipede, watched at the Cornerhouse.
I made the mistake of telling a couple of work colleagues I was going to see this film - trying to explain the plotline without people assuming I was a sick f&*k was not easy, "It's erm, about this mad doctor, who you know, abducts people..."

The atmosphere in the cinema really made the film shine for me - mass audience laughter, appropriate groans, and cheering at the end - it was akin to watching a vaudeville act rather than a German horror movie.
Not as gory as the reviews perhaps made it out to be, however there were definitely moments when I involuntarily shuddered with disgust. I shall certainly be in the line to watch Part 2...

2. The Exependables, watched at AMC Deansgate.
This film promised an amazing cast, impressive explosions, and a style reminiscent of the big 80's action movies. Whilst it did on paper fulfil this brief, it was an extremely disappointing & at times embarrassing picture.
The close-up on Mickey Rourke's surgery ravaged face as he broke down about his action during the Bosnian war was awkward & bizarre, coming out of nowhere, completely out of sync with the brainless dialogue preceding it. He was not the only one who 'benefited' from extreme close-ups, Stallone's directing ability ensured we had ample time to study his weirdly-ravaged eyebrows & 'roid arms.

During Arnie's approx 30 seconds screen time, the joke about him gaining weight was not only unfunny, but completely inappropriate given the fact he is a measly shadow of his former beefed-up self.
A complete waste of time, which would have been better spent at home reliving some genuinely funny 80's action classics - Predator, Lethal Weapon, Robocop to name a few.

3. Dog Pound, watched at the Odeon Printworks.
Basically a remake of Ray Winstone's breakout movie, 'Scum', although not advertised as such. Shows 3 teenage boys who have been committed of drug offences/assault, and placed in a young offenders institute. They didn't have a fun time once there.
It's sad that such a dark film elicits such a hum-drum response, but it failed to add any new insights from 'Scum'. It did however make me glad that a) I was not born a boy b) I was never bad enough to warrant being sent to borstal.
& on a related note... me & the other half were 2 of 5 people that went to see this film. Out of an entirely empty cinema, another couple chose to sit in the 2 seats directly in front of ours. This is quite odd, akin to sitting next to a stranger on a desolate bus. We could have moved, but it's the principle of the damn thing. Weirdos.