"Next blog..."

I'm not quite sure how Blogger delegates which blogs would be of interest to me when pressing the "next blog" function, but I was quite amused/baffled when I was sent to 6 blogs in a row written by women who are obsessed (their own words) by knitting.

This is not a hobby I have ever partaken in. Being an impatient, sloppy & short-attention spanned harpy, I don't think it is something I ever will partake in.

It could be funny to try it as a cheap alternative to buying friends/family things they actually want for their birthdays, I can see their strained little faces now: "thanks - I've always wanted a pair of knitted knobbly, half-finished, coffee stained, holey egg-coseys."

I am somewhat unconvinced of the value of many 'crafty' gifts, even if they are well made. Does anyone really need egg coseys, even if they are lovingly stitched in the shape of some cute little owls? [By the way, I didn't actually come across anyone who made these in my random blog trawl. I thought it was something silly to use as an example, but lo and behold, google provided me with proof that such things have indeed been created...]

The main craft that I adhere to, if you could call it such, is baking. But not of the pretty-little-cupcake variety - I have no skill with frippery. I like making big manly batches of banana bread, or childish concoctions of melted chocolate, fudge & biscuits. A big whack of gooey brownie is also hard to beat, although mine usually do look like they have taken a bit of a beating.

Anyway... "Next blog" please!

This week I've most been watching movies

I have watched 3 films at the cinema in the last fortnight. This is in addition to various flicks I've watched [sometimes slightly illicitly] on my computer monitor, such is the rich & fulfilling life that I lead. All had vastly different plots/genres/styles, and were viewed in 3 different cinemas. Here follows my own short synopsis :

1. The Human Centipede, watched at the Cornerhouse.
I made the mistake of telling a couple of work colleagues I was going to see this film - trying to explain the plotline without people assuming I was a sick f&*k was not easy, "It's erm, about this mad doctor, who you know, abducts people..."

The atmosphere in the cinema really made the film shine for me - mass audience laughter, appropriate groans, and cheering at the end - it was akin to watching a vaudeville act rather than a German horror movie.
Not as gory as the reviews perhaps made it out to be, however there were definitely moments when I involuntarily shuddered with disgust. I shall certainly be in the line to watch Part 2...

2. The Exependables, watched at AMC Deansgate.
This film promised an amazing cast, impressive explosions, and a style reminiscent of the big 80's action movies. Whilst it did on paper fulfil this brief, it was an extremely disappointing & at times embarrassing picture.
The close-up on Mickey Rourke's surgery ravaged face as he broke down about his action during the Bosnian war was awkward & bizarre, coming out of nowhere, completely out of sync with the brainless dialogue preceding it. He was not the only one who 'benefited' from extreme close-ups, Stallone's directing ability ensured we had ample time to study his weirdly-ravaged eyebrows & 'roid arms.

During Arnie's approx 30 seconds screen time, the joke about him gaining weight was not only unfunny, but completely inappropriate given the fact he is a measly shadow of his former beefed-up self.
A complete waste of time, which would have been better spent at home reliving some genuinely funny 80's action classics - Predator, Lethal Weapon, Robocop to name a few.

3. Dog Pound, watched at the Odeon Printworks.
Basically a remake of Ray Winstone's breakout movie, 'Scum', although not advertised as such. Shows 3 teenage boys who have been committed of drug offences/assault, and placed in a young offenders institute. They didn't have a fun time once there.
It's sad that such a dark film elicits such a hum-drum response, but it failed to add any new insights from 'Scum'. It did however make me glad that a) I was not born a boy b) I was never bad enough to warrant being sent to borstal.
& on a related note... me & the other half were 2 of 5 people that went to see this film. Out of an entirely empty cinema, another couple chose to sit in the 2 seats directly in front of ours. This is quite odd, akin to sitting next to a stranger on a desolate bus. We could have moved, but it's the principle of the damn thing. Weirdos.